Please leave your suggestions in the form of a comment. It’ll keep the list organized, and then you’ll all know that I didn’t cheat by picking a game that was not on the list.

Have you always wanted to be a killer electric guitar player in a crazy-insane-rock band? Me neither, but never-the-less I found myself with a red axe slung over my shoulder jammin’ away to Rock and Roll hits from the eighties, nineties and the todayties. Guitar Hero II places you in the stud-encrusted leather high-heel boots of a lead guitar player for an up-and-coming band, and the outcome is about as good as it gets where interactive gaming is concerned. “Wii? We don’t need no stinkin’ Wii!”

Out of the Case:

Upon opening up the over-sized game box, there’s an added sense of excitement as you almost feel like you’ve just purchased a real guitar. The creators put together a pretty decent toy here, and even added a few non-essential bells and whistles. (Yeah I know, any “bells and whistles” would be non-essential to a guitar, but I’m short on cliches today.)

As you can see, the guitar consists of 5 colored buttons representing frets/notes, a switch-button used for strumming, start and select buttons, and a whammy bar. (This is probably my favorite part, but we’ll get to that later.) It also includes a most necessary shoulder strap, as well as some not-so-necessary stickers. “Stickers? We don’t need no stinkin’ stickers! OR a Wii!”

Plug it in, and you’re ready to rock!

Can you hear me rockin’:

The game is about as simple as it comes in regards to setup. You select a file to save your progress on, pick a band name, and select your preferred mode of play. Of course there’s a single player campaign (where you work your way up from playing in basements and garages to auditoriums and stadiums by unlocking and beating new songs), multiplayer (go head-to-head for the best score, or play together playing separate parts like lead/bass/rhythm and try and get a combined high-score), and a practice mode where you can make as many mistakes as you want without penalization. The game has a variety of characters and guitars that you can unlock and purchase, but in the end these are all but pointless as you never have time to look at anything other than the scrolling notes that are flying your way. Did someone say “game mechanics”? Oooh, let’s!

Instructions (English)

The way the game is played is just like any other music-based interactive game. Colored notes descend along the neck of the “virtual guitar” towards stationary buttons with positions and colors corresponding to those on the gui-troller. You must have the correct button(s) pressed when the notes match up with the buttons to successfully pull off said note. In addition, for every note/chord set, you must also hit the strumming switch, or the note won’t play. You’ll know the second you miss a note, because the game separates the tracks of the music, meaning you’re actually “playing” the song, as it were. If you miss a note, the guitar track mutes, and gives you a not-so-nice sounding “plink” indicating that you just totally screwed up in front of thousands of people. Way to go, jerk. Now we won’t be able to make rent.

Each note/chord is worth points, and for every 10 you play in succession, you get a score multiplier. Throughout the song, the circular note icons will change to stars, and if you hit all of the notes during this time, you’ll be awarded “star power”, which will slowly fill up the blue gauge above the “rock” meter. Once this gauge is filled half-way or more, you can activate the “crowd boost”, which doubles your score multiplier. To do this, you actually have to tilt your guitar up in the air like you’re about to rock the house, and an internal level activates the boost. Very cool in theory, but if you’re not that experienced it can cause you to mess up your next note. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to activate without fear.

There are 4 different levels of difficulty: Easy, medium, hard and expert. Easy uses only the green, red and yellow buttons. Medium adds blue, and hard and expert add orange. Also, the harder difficulty level you have, the more notes you have to play, and at a faster rate. I tried a song on expert, and the game told me my controller must be experiencing “technical difficulties”. It wasn’t. I was just a geek who thought I could play guitar.

yes whammy, yes whammy, yes whammy, ROCK!

The wammy bar brings and extra sense of realism to the table, and really increases the fun, too. As you can see from the above image, some notes are longer than others, indicated by a long bar. When you reach these longer spots, press that bar down for some most-excellent sounding vibrato. The whammy bar isn’t a vital part of the game, but it does “extract” more star power if you use it during long star-notes. This is the part of the game that makes you think you’re actually a great guitar player. But you’re not. You’re just a geek. A geek who thinks he can play guitar).

Al in all there are over 60 tracks, with 40 by artists and bands that we’ve all head of. With song’s like Kiss’ “Strutter”, “Message in a Bottle” by The Police, and “Carry on Wayward Son” by Kansas, the quality of the songs is top-notch. There are also 24 songs from bands that you’ve probably never heard of. Included in these (much to my surprise and joy), is a full version of “Trogdor” performed by our favorite shirtless, mask-ed, glov-ed boxer… Strong Bad. (click for video)

Curtain Call

When I first heard about this game I really didn’t think it was the type of tea that I’d put in my cup, but I was happily mistaken. GHII is a comprehensive, fun and addicting ride that’s just as much fun to play on your own as it is with a friend. The game will undoubtedly help you with your rhythm, though staring so incessantly at the screen can lead to burning eyes, as well as a freaky optical illusion from watching those notes scroll by for 4 minutes straight. When you look away at another object, your eyes make it look like it’s being compressed from top to bottom. But, all in all, this title accomplishes everything it sets out to do, which is to make us think we’re really good guitar players. But we’re not. we’re just geeks who think we can play guitar.

SCORE: Burninating

 

Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day

Brain Age is one of those “games” that I could never understand. “You want me to learn while I’m trying to have fun?!”  I used to swear them off by the boat-loads.  I didn’t want Mario teaching me how to type, and I certainly didn’t want to learn science from a blue hedgehog that wears running shoes… SHOES, I SAY!!!  At any rate, I must be showing my age, because when I saw this one advertised, It really caught my attention.  “My brain has an age?”, I thought to myself, “I must know this age of brain, lest mine be old and I forget where I hid the treasure!” Just kidding,  I never said “lest”.  The following is a journal of my foray into the deepest mystery of modern gaming science, the prefrontal cortex!

Brain Age is based on the research of Japanese neuroscientist Dr. Ryuta Kawashima regarding brain function and stimulation.  The good doctor was even so kind as to lend his digital likeness to the game.  I think they were going for a “Max Headroom” feel, because even I know that the visually inferior DS is capable of giving a face more than 20 polygons…

 

 

Best Friends

Get used to that face, ’cause he’ll be watching your every move while you play learn plearn.  After an interesting lesson on how the prefrontal cortex works, you are given your preliminary brain age test, which always consists of 3 randomly generated activities which all make use of either the touch-screen or built in microphone.  The “watch on the left, write on the right” concept requires that you turn the DS 90 degrees to the left, so it feels a lot like holding a book…  From the future.  Accuracy and speed are the common denominators for all of the games; something that made me feel a little cheated until I realized that pretty much every single kind of test in the world is based on these two principles.  Once you have completed the activities, the doctor gives you your “brain age”, which, if you haven’t been given any insight or advice on how to complete these tests up front, will likely be in-between 50 and 80 (That’s bad, by the way. 20 is the best possible score).  At this point the game pulls it’s first bit of staying power genius, by basically telling you;

 ”Ouch, you suck!  Better call in sick for the next 2 weeks, ’cause you’re too stupid to drive!  How did you even know which sock to put on which foot?”

…And then, it’s on.  We’ll now explore some of the mini-game, and discuss how many times each of them made me cry.  Did I say “mini-review”?  What I meant to say was, “mini-licious!”

 

1. Calculations X 20:

This is about the first game you’re introduced to, requiring that you write the answers to the scrolling mathematical problems as quickly as possible.  It never really gets too hard, seeing as you are only adding, subtracting or multiplying, and usually with single-digit numbers to boot.  It does penalize you 5 seconds for every wrong answer, and you must have the legibility of a right angle, so things can get a little hard when you’re trying to go for a new record of 20 correct questions in 15 seconds.  Although a bit basic, I enjoyed this one, and so did my prefrontal cortex.  This game also comes in an “X 100″ version for more severe headaches and eye-strain!  And I don’t know who the Idiot was that thought that 5 X 5 = 28, but I hope there’s a short bus out there somewhere taking him off to a padded room.

 

2. The Stroop Test:

I don’t know who, what, when or how “Stroop” is, and I’m too lazy to Google it right now.  Pretty much, it’s one of those old optical illusions that make both sides of your brain fight…for the right…to party.  I also discovered that this activity stimulates the prefrontal cortex as well.  A name of a color shows up on the screen, but the font color is a different color than the word itself.  You have to say the font color aloud into the mic, and not the word shown on-screen itself.  For example, the word “BLACK” shows up on the screen, but the color of the word is yellow.  You must say “yellow”, while the other side of your brain is trying to make you read the word “black”.  This works well in theory, if in fact the score keeper is another human being, whose ears were made by the same God who made yours.  But, if in fact, you’re relying on a $135.00 piece of equipment to recognize words that come from your unique voice box, you might as well give yourself a brain age of “dead” on this one.  For some reason, the darn thing doesn’t like to hear the word “blue”.  It had about a 10% success rate, even with the 2 other people I’ve watched attempt it.  And all that makes you do is start yelling each word louder and slower into the microphone, which not only keeps your brain age high, but your blood pressure as well. I give this one “BLUE! thumbs down”.

 

3. Number Cruncher:

 Numbers appear on the screen in different colors and alignments, while doing various things, such as rotating, pulsing, and sliding from side to side.  Your goal is to exercise your prefrontal cortex by answering the questions as quickly as possible while trying to ignore the visual distractions.  Pretty easy, except when you’re trying to count all of the red #3’s, and there are 7 of them sliding around merging into each other…  It gets a little hard to keep track.  If I was on a desert Island and I found this game in the sand, I’d play it once or twice…  Then I’d write an S.O.S on it a chuck it out to sea.

 

4. Maze Craze

It was about this time that I realized that pretty much everything in the world activates the friggin’ prefrontal cortex.  It reminded me of the time that I caught my mom in a lie for trying to tell me that both milk AND broccoli help me grow big and strong.  Thanks, Mom; now look what you’ve done…

This one balances between good and evil, almost like Dinobot from Beast Wars.  The goal is to drag the red dot along a path using the stylus and connect symbols in an alpha-numeric pattern, i.e.; “A-1-B-2-C-3″.  Not the biggest of deals, but the catch is that you cannot touch any symbol out of order, or you accrue penalty time.  I also noticed that because of holding the stylus, the bottom right hand (for me) corner is completely obstructed, thus making it difficult to locate about 1/4 of your targets.  This one is more fun when you’re competing against another user for the best time.  Now that I think about it, it’s exactly like Dinobot…

 

5. Draw:

Right when the games start to get a little repetitive, B.A. throws a curve-ball.  Every so often, when you try to conduct your daily brain age test, the good doctor will throw in a random exercise.  One of them is some sort of highly advanced technologically innovative activity: drawing.

This is actually pretty entertaining.  The doctor will tell you to draw something, completely from memory.  It could be something as simple as a rhino, or something a little harder, like the Mona Lisa.  After you complete 3 consecutive drawings, the computer will show side-by-side comparisons of your attempt versus the computer’s offering.  Of course the computer’s will always look better, because it didn’t have to draw the image using a 3′’ plastic utensil with a tip the size of a crayon, but I think that’s the point.  Degradation will always keep ‘em coming back for more!

 

Last but not first: Sudoku:

While not actually a part of the brain age tests, the game’s maker’s included a full stand-alone version of Sudoku.  With over 200 puzzles of varying difficulty, this is probably one of the game’s best features.  The controls are fantastic; the board appears in the right-hand (for me) touch screen until you’re ready to input a number.  At that point you tap which box you want to select, and the right-hand screen zooms in for ample writing space, while the overhead board shifts to the left screen for quick reference.  You can even have the computer tell you when you’ve made a mistake (up to 5 times; after that, it’s game over).  I hadn’t yet hopped on the Sudoku band-wagon that was encroaching upon me until I gave it a try on the D.S.  This one gets big Sudo-kudos from me.

 

In closing:

There are close to ten more activities in Brain Age, but I tried to pick out the ones that show the most variety.  The game only allows you access to new activities once you’ve been a faithful student and have racked up enough logged days of training.  In fact, I’ve logged about two weeks worth, and I still have 3 activities that I haven’t even unlocked yet, so that’s saying something for the game’s replay value.  All in all, I think the whole “brain age” concept is just a gimmick.  Just like any other game, the more you play, the better you get.  I haven’t found myself being able to recite “Of Mice and Men” verbatim, but who knows?  Maybe I’m getting more out of it than I know yet.  Only time will tell, but in the mean-time, this is one class I don’t mind sitting through.

 

GRADE: B+ (Moderate entertainment value, moderate challenge)

 

 

PAHRUMP, Nev.  A town board in southern Nevada has adopted an ordinance declaring English the official language, restricting the display of foreign flags and denying town benefits to illegal immigrants.

A 3-2 Town Board vote drew a standing ovation and cheers late Tuesday from many of the 250 people at the meeting.

Town Manager David Richards called the ordinance a statement that “everyone should speak English, and if you are going to move here then you ought to respect the American flag and fly it in prominence.”

 

The vote drew cheers and a standing ovation from many of the 250 people at the meeting on Tuesday. But guess what else it did? That’s right, drew protest and rage from parts of the Hispanic Community, as well as that lovely group that fights for the rights of everyone except those who actually have them, the ACLU (Click with caution):

Lee Rowland, an American Civil Liberties Union staff lawyer from Las Vegas, told the board the ordinance would invite an expensive lawsuit challenging its constitutionally.

“If you pass an ordinance that is blatantly in violation of the First Amendment, this town will be on the hook,” Rowland said.

Now let’s back up a minute, and look at this “magical First Amendment”, which seems to be an end-run for political activists anytime someone tries to make some rules around this country:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

(Emphasis mine, *duh*. I’m sure you are all aware that the Bill of Rights wasn’t written on a Dell Dimension Desktop; that’s right, all they had were Macs back then.)

Now, I’m sure this Rowland guy is hanging onto the “free speech” part, but how does this law violate it? The only places that are affected by the “English Only” rule are businesses. Last time I checked, businesses weren’t really a save haven for “free speech” anyway. Just try working at McDonald’s and greeting every customer with “Welcome to McDonald’s, where we make all our sandwiches with 100% dog meat! Would you like to try a McChihuahua?”, and see what happens. (Besides, If I want dog meat, I’ll go to Taco Bell or that weird guy’s house down the street, thank you very much.) The point is, to successfully run a business, certain rules and regulations need to be put in place. I don’t want to have to guess at every word a cashier is saying to me, or carry around a pocket Spanish dictionary anytime I go into a store (no bumper sticker is worth that much to me, anyhow). And you might be thinking I’m being “unfair”, or “prejudice”, but I’m not! I don’t care what language you speak remember: They are the ones who want to do business in our country! Nobody is telling you that you can’t speak your native tongue; they’re saying that if you are going to be a part of our economy and benefit from having a business in our city, state and country, do us a favor and speak so we understand you.

How dare we!!!

And that’s only covering legal immigrants, which other than speaking our language when doing business, I have absolutely no quarrels with. Now there’s the subject of the fence-jumpers. Before you label me a Confederate flag-waving bigot, let me tell you that I work with a Mexican American. Wanna know why I call him that? Because he spent years of studying and waiting so that he could be a LEGAL citizen. And I commend him and respect him for that. It’s not about color, it’s about laws. America used to be known as “The Land of the Free”, but know it’s turning into “The Land of Those who Got Here FOR Free”. The illegal minority and groups like the ACLU are using argument by outrage because they don’t think it’s fare to require people to work to gain all the benefits that we are offered here in the states (sorry, it’s not my fault I was born here, but if I wanted to live in France, I bet they would want me to do it legally, too). They think that because their country of birth doesn’t have enough control over it’s government and economy, that the USA owes them a free ticket, since they are so underprivileged. And these are the people who are so brazen, they will come out of the shadows (if not only in groups of thousands, lest the police be able to actually catch any of them) to protest the rights of illegal aliens, or “Undocumented Citizens” (Yep folks, this is a real word, adopted by the MSM and the Liberals. It’s quite fitting that their favorite labels are oft oxymorons. How can you be an “undocumented citizen”, when you don’t have the documents need to be a citizen??? Sorry, I guess I’m just being racist, right ACLU?). These illegal immigrants (as I like to call them) are basically saying something like this:

“We acknowledge that the USA is the best place for me to go get a job, save money, and support our families. We acknowledge that we can’t get benefits or security like this living in our tractor tire here in St. Lupoguamartinandez. So we think the best way to start off this rendezvous with America is to sneak past her borders, and hide from their government for as long as we can, all at the same siphoning tax dollars and free medical care from this same government and it’s citizens. Oh, and call and make sure the ACLU has some rooms available!”

(Of course, they weren’t saying any of this in English…)

Read the entire AP article here.

It’s In The Game…(Well, actually, the game is in the 360)

Upon loading the game in the 360 console, the first thing that I noticed is that there is no intro movie, and come to think of it, not even any intro music. This stuck out to me like a sore thumb from previous years, but I still had the smile on my face from opening up the fresh package and preparing for another great season of virtual golf, so I let it slide and pressed start.

Off The Tee

The main screen is generally unchanged in options, but has had a presentational makeover. Gone is the static “Main menu” style HUD. Tiger (or your personalized Game Face character) stands in the background practicing ball-balancing tricks while you decide where to head next. The first thing that caught my attention was the new practice range, which you can use as a first-stop tutorial, as well as throughout the game whenever you’re having difficulty beating a certain challenge, or want to engage in exercises and contests to improve your attributes. This was one of my most favorite innovations this time around. Gone are the days of simply buying your skills. This year, you actually get to earn them, either by playing exceptionally well in a round, or beating a challenge on the practice range. For example, if your driving distance is a little weak, you can challenge a competitor to a longest drive contest and earn a 5% increase of that skill if you win. If your putting is a little lack-luster, see if you can get it closest to the pin in a 3-round putting challenge. It made upgrading my character more challenging, as well as more entertaining.

Game Face

One of the first things I look at for improvement over the previous year is EA’s character personalization system, “Game Face”. I wasn’t disappointed with ’07’s offering in this area, but I wasn’t blown away, either. Pretty much the same as in ‘06, this year adds a little bit of extra room, but with it comes added confusion. My favorite improvement was the color palette. Instead of having 6-8 colors to choose from for hair, eyes, and skin tone, ‘07 provides you with an entire palette, giving you hundreds of color and shade variations to choose from, thus making your character look that much more like you (or your cheating ex-girlfriend who now bares a strange resemblance to Jamie Farr from “M*A*S*H*”). Thank you, EA. Thank you all…

On The Green

Once you have the play mechanics down, and you have made and dressed your golfer like a pro, it’s time to make your next move. Do you want to head straight into a four-round PGA championship, or go head to head against the classic TWPGAT mix of real and “Thank goodness they’re not real” challengers? For some reason, I always choose the latter. Either way, you’re about to find out what makes this Tiger roar a little louder then past entries. First off, changing the angle of your club face has taken all the good aspects from previous years, and gotten rid of the bad. Now you can position your club trajectory without having to hold it during your swing (as in ‘06), but you still have the many slight variations between flat-out punch and loft, which ‘05 lacked. Power boost and spin functions have also been restored to the A button, but those who picked up the series in ‘06 on the 360 can still use the LB button if they wish. Probably the most notable change this season is the Aiming Ring. Instead of a nice little arrow that was pretty much 97.6% accurate off the tee, you now have to deal with an aiming ring that has anywhere from 6 feet to a 1/2 acre margin of error, depending on whether you’re driving or pitching. Gone are the days of getting those back-to-back-to-back-to-back double eagles because you memorized how to aim “2 clicks up, lofted with a 4-Iron with 3 taps of power”. Sorry, “Perfect Peter”, you’ll have to rely on luck like the real golfers this time around the links if you want to make those rare shots.

Sweatin’ The Small Stuff

Aside from the major improvements/changes we’ve already discussed, the rest of the game plays and feels pretty much like it’s predecessors. David Feherty and Gary Mccord reprise their roles as announcers and “play-by-players”, but I’m hearing the exact same phrases that I’ve heard for 4 years. I’m starting to wonder if EA only signed them for a few seasons, and is recycling the same insults and bad commentary I’ve been hearing since ‘04. I’m starting to get tired of hearing “He’s gonna want to bury his head in the sand after that shot” and “This one could drop!!!…Or, maybe not“. I know I’ve sunk a putt every time I hear that one.

The AI has always frustrated me, but I guess it’s as close as they can get it in a golf game. When you do good, the AI does better. When you do bad, the AI does worse. Basically, it’s VERY hard to beat some of these guys, at least until you have all your skills maxed out at 110%. There is nothing worse than being mad that you hit a horrible drive, then the AI kicks in and hits a worse shot. So not only are you upset at your own lack of skill, but now you’re thinking “See?! I could’ve upped him on this hole if I wasn’t such a loser!”. But when you do hit that excellent birdie pitch shot from the bunker that lands inches from the pin, Pops Masterson comes along and drills a 175 yard approach shot into the cup for Eagle, and he had the sun in his eyes.

The Pro Shop has been disappointing me since last year, when they only included a fraction of the items and equipment as in earlier versions. This year was a little better, mostly because EA brought modifiers back into the items and apparel, something that was oddly absent from ‘06. The lack of style and selection in the sunglasses department has left me speechless since the next-gen TW came out. Each pair looks like I’m either at a NasCar game, a U2 concert, or trying to protect my eyes while I’m working with power tools. I’m not sure why EA can’t get a regular pair of dark sunglasses to work anymore, but somehow they managed in ‘03-’05.

My last beef with this title is the lack of character bios and Fmvs. You don’t learn a darn thing about your opponent before you step on the tee box, and it really makes you feel like you’re playing alone. I always felt more like I was at an actual Championship in the current-gen versions, with the fan-fare and commentary that was provided. This entry skips some of the fluff that some of us PGA Tour lifers have grown used to, and now automatically expect.

The Last Word

Taking everything into account, I’d still rate this entry towards the top of the list. It still doesn’t beat out Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005, which in my opinion has been the Best in Show so far. What this title does do however, is re-invent the wheel so to speak, which after playing ‘06 needed to be done in a big way. It’s flashier, faster, more fleshed-out and more fun. Tiger’s UCAP (Ultimate Capture) in-game model is the most photo-realistic to date, and is a trip to watch. The challenges and practice games are a solid mini-game in themselves, and the PGA Tour is still there for many months of entertainment and money-making even after you’ve defeated TW himself in the Challenge Mode. In short, I think if EA keeps making steps in the same direct that they did this year, TWPGAT will be able to return to it’s roots in the game-play and innovation departments, and make a grand appearance in the next-gen world as well.

SCORING:

Graphics: A

Game-play:A

Sound: C

Replay Value: B

OVERALL: B+

…

…….

(This is going to be harder than I thought)

Ah, yes.  Maybe I’ll take my best bud Adam’s advise and feel out a video game review.  I’m a big fan of Game Informer Magazine, so I’ll do my best Reiner impression with the following “Infantarticle”, if you will, on EA Sports’ Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2007.  I want to give it my best first shot, so tune in tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll have something that resembles a review.

He said this in a CHURCH!!! Well, they call themselves a church, but a glance at their web-site becomes confusing very quickly. Even though you’ll find many references to “worship” and “religious community”, you won’t find who they worship, or anything having to do with an actual religion (except the pseudo-religion of Universalism). I find it a little amusing at how a group will do nothing but denounce a particular faith (mainly Christianity), and will still pick out the things that they can use for their own organization (Sunday “worship services”, a “church” building, “ministers”). It reminds me of Christmas when a toddler unwraps a beautiful outfit, throws it aside and goes off to play with the empty box. It is very scary (albeit, illogical) that is seems like the main-stream knows everything that is right or wrong, true or false, good or bad, But if you’re a Christian, you’re an intolerant, homophobic racist who thinks that it rains because “God is crying”. They know that God doesn’t exist, that the Big-Bang theory has been proved, that we have everything in common with apes (except for prenups and abortions) and that Global Warming will wipe us out in 10 years if we don’t act fast. Well, Al Gore has been saying that for the past 8, 14, and 30 years, depending on which part of his interview you watch on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, so which is it? Do we only have 2 years to change, or did the world end 20 years ago? I just love how people on the far-left and Atheists KNOW these things for certain, but those of faith know nothing. It reminded me of the chorus of a Weird Al Yankovic song, the title of today’s post, “Everything you know is Wrong”:

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn’t matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong.

“What a perfect example of what they’re trying to sell us“, was my immediate thought. Atheists and Far-Lefters are trying to tell us that up is down and short is long, and some are buying it!

Ahh, Autumn. the smell of freshly fallen leaves, crisp air, warm oak smoke wafting from the chimney, and every few years, the rot of midterm elections.

Let me pose a query to the masses: If I was, say, a nationally known senator visiting a school to talk about education, and I said the following, how would you (and anyone with a partial-functioning brain) react:

“If you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. And if you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”

3…2…1…

Okay, pencils down class. I can only guess here, but to me that would sound like an obvious attack on our troops’ intelligence, but what do I know? I’m one of the loons that still think it was Islamic terrorists that flew those planes into those big towers, not Donald Rumsfeld. This quote came directly from U.S. senator John F’n Kerry, when he was speaking at the Pasadena City College during a rally for fellow “LiBurro”, California Democratic gubernatorial candidate Phil Angelides.

Of course, the right had a field-day with it. (For future reference, a “field-day”, when used in the main-stream media, is a term to describe when a Republican actually calls a Democrat on something asinine that came out of his or her own mouth, and the left can’t come up with a logical defense.) Notice how it was this instance, not the Mark Foley scandal, or the Michael J. Fox Stem-cell ad endorsing Clair McCaskill for Missouri State Senator that made the MSM cry “foul!”. They haven’t shown their true colors as brightly as they did yesterday:

ABC News’ Charles Gibson: “What happened today is an object lesson in how in this day and age, an idle political remark gets seized upon, becomes fodder for the talk shows, the blogs, and the politicians, and suddenly obscures discussion of all other issues.”

CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux: ‘We Hope’ Kerry Story ‘Is Going To Go Away Tomorrow’

CNN’s Jack Cafferty: ‘One Can Only Hope’ Kerry Story Fades

MSNBC’s Chris Mathews: “I think he meant to go after the President.”

“No media bias”, you say? HA! If Dan Rather was still alive, I’m sure he would be whining about it, too… What’s that? Oh… Well, anyway, what about Trent Lott’s comment (”Botched joke”, anyone? See below), made in December 2002 when at the 100th birthday party of Strom Thurmond, Lott said:

“I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over all these years, either.”

Two weeks later, after the media had a hay-day (Hey, if the right gets a field-day, the left gets a hay-day), Lott was forced to resign as Senate Republican Leader. (But there’s no Media bias here.)

the only thing the MSM doesn’t understand is how people in their right minds took a quote from a Presidential loser (with a history of disdain for the government and military he claims to have wanted to lead), and read it just how it was said. Now, of course the Branch Kerridians and Lurch himself shot back with the claim that “It was a botched joke about the President and his team“, which is probably true in one of the dimensions he lives in, but it’s the staunch retort by Johnny-boy that feeds this fire with me:

“Let me make it crystal clear, as crystal clear as I know how: I apologize to no one for my criticism of the president and of his broken policy.”

Yeah. Okay. We know that’s your story and you’re sticking to it. You weren’t talking about the Troops when you told those students that they better “buckle down and get goods grades, or their only choice would be to enlist in the military”, you were obviously talking about… The… President and his cab…in…et… See, my brain just won’t let me buy it, no matter how hard he’s sellin’ it to me.

My point is that all Mr. Kerry had to do was apologize to the people that were asking to be apologized to: The troops. Notice how he slithered away from the main point. What he said was, “I apologize to no one for my criticism of the president and of his broken policy.” Well, no one asked you to, Senator! They asked you to apologize for making a mistake that sounded like you were bashing our troops!… Which… YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF DOING! So call us shocked when something like this flies out of your face. Well, if Mr. Perfect can’t make one apology to anyone about anything, I’ll do it for him. These are the only apologies you’ll ever hear from this LiberAlien:

“I’m sorry I can’t even tell my own joke correctly. I’m very sorry that I lost the election (I wonder how such a stupid, masagonistic, murdering President keeps winning elections, anyways), and I’m totally, completely and utterly sorry that that those darn right-wingers had the volume turned up loud enough on their monitors that they actually caught the crap that came spewing forth from my mouth… Yep, I think I that covers everything I’ve ever been sorry for.”

Now give this mouse some cheese, Please…

Ok, now that we have the obligatory ego-tation out of the way, let’s get to the meat of today’s topic.

Saw this headline in Foxnews.com’s Science section:

“Human Ears Evolved From Ancient Fish Gills”

This research is detailed in the Jan. 19 issue of the journal Nature.

Ever heard the exclamation, “WTF?” ? Well, I think it means “What Total Falsehood”.
This is going to be short, but how STUPID would the evolutionary powers that be (Or “used to be”)
have to have been to take a “nose” (gills), completely change the biological properties to form ears, and then stop and go,

“Oh crap, thats right, we needed a way to breath oxygen! Better get back to work, guys, and hurry! We’ve got about 5 minutes to get air flowing into our lungs before billions of years of evo go down the tubes!”

Now unless our “ancestor’s” new noses were evolving at the SAME TIME that we were shape-shifting our gills into our new hearing devices, how in the world would they have breathed once the ears were cut off from the lungs? And even better, let’s say that magically, both organ’s WERE evolving at the same time, that means the creatures would have been breathing for a period of time through TWO orifices. Test time. Try breathing through your mouth AND nose at the same time….

Doesn’t really work, does it?
Now imagine trying it with your nose and ears.

And remember, the fish were (theoretically) still in the water at the time that this change was occurring, so how were we filtering oxygen out of the water? Don’t you think this type of adaptation would take way too many occurrances of pure happenstance to have any leg to stand on? And yet the media is reporting it as a scientific finding, and not even as a theory.

(Note that the sub-heading reads, “Your ability to hear relies on a structure that got its start as a gill opening in fish, a new study reveals“, rather than “a new study CLAIMS.”)

Grrr… I can’t stand it I tell ya.